Today I told.
It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've never said those words out loud before. I've never been poked and prodded so much about it. Kristen took me to Olive Garden afterward to try and make me feel better.
I tried very hard to detach myself from the situation. I was mildly successful. But mostly I've just been agonizing over how you'll react when you find out.
Part of me is very sorry. But I'm not so torn anymore. I recognize that I used to love you. Used to. I don't quite hate you either though. Neutral. I am okay with where I am at with that.
I feel like I should be saying 'I hope what I'm doing helps you' and 'I wish nothing but the best for you'. A year ago, I would've. But those feelings are pretty minimal now. Neutral.
I'm not going to contact you and I'm okay with that. You are not in my life anymore and I'm okay with that. It has taken me three years to get here.
I am away from you. Finally. Out of Salinas and my mind doesn't need to take field trips back.
Maybe I'm just feeling numb from the day's events. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and feel completely different.
But tonight I am okay. A bit shaken up. But okay.
Now that I've told, there is no backing down. And that is okay.
I'm so tired of being broken, Ian. It's your turn.
And that is more than okay.
AS I always say, great voice.
ReplyDeleteFYI ok is spelled okay
watch verys and 'ly' words.