Things that even donuts can't fix

Daniel heard about the Church’s change of policy announced this week. He freaked out a little bit and all the tension we’ve been suppressing on the subject came bursting out.

We argued, literally fought and yelled and I was crying, for two hours on Skype. He couldn’t believe I’d support an organization that “discriminated against people based on their beliefs.” When I objected that I felt personally attacked- like by saying the Church was wrong and bad, he was saying I was wrong and bad- he replied "well..."

I tried to explain that the policy is hard for me to accept too, but that the Church is just true. I have to support the whole Church, even policies I don’t understand all the way.

He rolled his eyes. He looked at me like I was a crazy person. That’s when I stopped trying to explain my testimony.

And then he gave me an ultimatum. He told me that this was “a friendship deal breaker.” That he couldn’t have any kind of relationship with me if I continued to be a part of the Church.

I defended myself. I told him that he was no better than what he thought the Church was doing- discriminating against me for my beliefs. I told him that the last person who asked me to give this up was Ian. I think that hurt him and I think I’m glad it did. 

There’s a lot more to the argument that I don’t want to get into anymore.

Basically I sobbed my way through him saying “if you hang up on Skype right now, that’s it. We’re done.”

I hung up.

I ended up at Denny’s with Ryan at 3:00am ordering Oreo milkshakes and off and on crying into his shirt. He got me to laugh once or twice.

Daniel called 12 times while we were there. I didn’t answer.

I slept until noon today, when Grace barged into my apartment, worried that I hadn’t answered my phone or showed up for our plans this morning. I told her what happened and got teary again. She bought me donuts and took me out for the day.

I’m going to be alright. I’m being taken care of.

But frick, am I hurting. I’ve been crying on and off all day. I can’t remember the last time I cried over a boy. Tim maybe. I just can’t believe that after everything, Daniel actually asked me to give up half of who I am for him. He can call all he wants but he can't take back the things he said, the things that already broke my heart. The damage is done.
         I’m so sick of heartbreak.

Please, please, please, be a faithful Mormon and know that I love you.