We were originally going to have our wedding a few days after Tanner's graduation. It just made sense; the whole family would be in town and it was in California, practically in the same city.
But now Tanner has the whole weekend to himself.
And considering the argument Jason and I had last week...
We go to lunch before the graduation ceremony and end up with a few hours to spare. Someone suggests a park so the grandkids can get some energy out. Which is how, two days before I was originally supposed to be getting married, I'm instead sitting on a park bench by myself, watching my siblings and their spouses play with their kids, like a big happy family.
After a few minutes, Tanner joins me on the bench. We watch everyone playing for a moment in silence before he awkwardly starts.
"Sooo I heard about the Jason thing."
"The Jason thing," I repeat blankly. There's a long pause where neither of us is sure what to say. "What does that mean?" Because I'm not even sure myself right now.
"Well...he's not here," Tanner says, like that clarifies everything.
I press my lips together. "Things are kind up in the air right now."
He nods but doesn't say anything, like he's giving me a chance to speak up. When I don't, he takes a breath to say something else and I -
"I was supposed to be getting married this weekend. Not breaking up."
There's a second delay where he absorbs my words and then he says "awww Jess" and wraps an arm around my shoulders, somehow managing to be protective and tender and sympathetic all at the same time. I lean my head against his shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he says and even though tons of people have said this lately, it means more coming from him. "I've never been that close to marriage, but you know Sarah and I were ring shopping before we broke up. It's rough."
The best kind of silence settles between us then, one of commiseration and understanding. One of his kids calls out to him and he smiles, lifting his free hand to wave at them.
"It was worth it in the end." He squeezes my shoulder. "It all led me to Emily and now I've got this family..." He gestures at them like he can't find the words to describe how wonderful they are. "You'll get here too."
"I know." And I do. But that makes a minuscule difference on the pain right now.
I take a deep breath. I feel a bit ridiculous that Tanner is the one showing emotional support when today is supposed to be his day, when I'm the one supposed to be supporting him at his graduation. And I will, I suppose; I'll get my turn to be supportive later today. That's the way families are, I guess. Giving comfort, lending strength, taking turns being the supportive one. That's what was missing with Jason. It was always my turn with him.
Please take turns with me being supportive and know that I love you.
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