Things have changed between Jason and me since I came clean about how bad my depression can get/is getting currently. I let him into the mess that is my head. I’ve never let anyone this deep before, except maybe Ian. I’m overanalyzing and waiting for Jason to run because what I told him is kinda scary.
So the past few days have been … delicate.
Ian could never accept what Jason is struggling to wrap his head around now: depression isn’t something that boys or relationships solve. Both of them have this desperate need to “fix” things, but depression isn’t that simple. It can’t just be fixed.
I wish it could. I’ve known for forever that boys don’t solve depression; I’ve written tons of posts about it. But I thought a healthy and stable relationship would at least help.
It doesn’t.
I should feel less alone, but I just feel disconnected from everybody. I should feel loved and secure, but I just feel broken and burdening. I should feel. But I don’t. Not like I should.
Please don’t be scared away by my depression, but realize that it’s probably going to be a lifelong factor in our relationship, and know how much I love you anyway.
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