Sometimes I just really love my job

I finish hauling the lane lines out of the pool for water Zumba class, and decide that I should probably go apologize to Justin for snapping… but it wasn’t my fault that he tried to mess up my rotation.

The thing is, Justin is my best lifeguard friend. He’s married and a total goofball, so naturally he was the first one at the pool I felt comfortable around. That hasn’t changed, and that’s why I owe him an explanation for my grumpiness.

I push open the door to the main pool area, tossing my lifeguard tube into the guard room and walking over to Justin. He’s guarding the deep pool, which is totally empty, so it’s good timing at least. I walk past Hugo on my way. He’s roving, and he nudges me with his tube as I pass him. I glance back at him and roll my eyes.

I reach Justin, reaching out to brush his shoulder. He turns towards me.

“Got the lane lines out?”

I stick my tongue out at him. “Yeah. Even though you didn’t think I could do it.”

He shakes his head, turning back to scan his pool. “I never said that. I just offered to take that spot in rotation because I didn’t want you to have to handle it yourself.”

It’s the same thing. I let it slide with a simple and joking: “Well I did it record time, so there.”

He laughs, his eyes crinkling. I hesitate. Then, “I’m sorry for snapping about rotation.”

He frowns, eyes sweeping the surface of the pool. “It’s not a big deal.”

“I’m like stupidly stressed right now and-”

“That’s what I figured,” he says. “Too many essays and readings?”

“You know it.”

“Life of an English major.”

I wrinkle my nose at him, glad for the commiseration of English majors. “I just have this essay due today and I have a writing conference about it with this super intimidating teacher...”

A boy walks to the diving cliff and our conversation pauses as Justin waves him forward, giving him the okay to jump.

“Wait, this isn’t ‘you’re looking at your laptop too much during class’ teacher, is it??” Justin’s eyes follow the boy as he swims for the side.

I sigh. “That’s the one.”

“Oh boy. You’re allowed to be stressed.” The little boy clambers out of the pool and runs off.

“Well thanks. The thing is, the conference is at 2:30, so I needed this spot in rotation so I could end on break and get out of here on time…”

“Ahh.” He turns towards me. “That makes sense.”

“I shouldn’t have snapped though.”

He shrugs at me. “Jess, it’s you and me. Don’t worry about it. We’re good.”

I exhale, grateful to have at least that pressure off my shoulders. “Good.”

There’s a brief pause where I deliberate returning to the guard room, but just as I draw in a breath to say goodbye, he glances in my direction again.

“So you and Hugo, huh?”

My head whips around, my eyes wide. All too late, I realize my mistake in reacting this much. Justin’s eyes meet mine and they’re teasing and triumphant. Crap.

“It’s not…” my words fall short and Justin’s smile widens.

“He’s a nice kid.”

“He’s a pre-mi,” I counter.

“He doesn’t even have a departure date yet.”

“I’m not looking for short term.”

He grimaces, sincere empathy replacing the joking smile. “It’s pretty inconvenient to like him then.”

I refuse to admit to this straight out. I choose my words carefully. “It’s not like he feels the same anyway.”

Justin raises an eyebrow at me. “Have you seen the way he looks at you?”

This is cliché and probably not true and I draw in a surprised breath anyway. “Apparently not.”

I turn my head, eyes searching for the broad shoulders, the dark skin that reminds me way too much of Daniel, the new haircut that makes him look so much older. Hugo rounds the play structure, kicking a little bit of water up and swinging his tube and looking generally attractive. Damn it.

Justin turns his attention away from his empty pool for a minute, catching the direction of my gaze and giving a small laugh. “You have it bad.”

I shove him lightly. “Do not.”

He shakes his head at me. “If you say so.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m going to go enjoy the rest of my break now.”

“You do that. Say hi to Hugo for me as you pass him.”

I choose to ignore this comment, but as I walk across the pool deck, Hugo is walking in front of me, back turned and I see an opportunity…

Hugo is forever scaring the crap out of me. I’ve finally limited him to three scares a shift, so that I’m not extra on edge anymore. But he’s always bragging about how he’s unscare-able. We’ll see.

I tiptoe up behind him and seize his shoulders, giving a loud (and regrettable and embarrassing) “BOO!”

I swear that he jumps, but when he turns towards me, he’s just smiling extra big, no sign of fear in his dimples.

“Oh come on. I totally got you.”

He squints at me. “You totally didn’t.”

I nudge his shoulder with mine. “You jumped!”

“You like grabbed me and moved me!” He nudges me back.

I let out a dramatic sigh. “I’ll get you eventually.”

He laughs, turning away from me to continue roving. “Good luck with that.”

I stand there smiling like an idiot for a second too long, before catching myself, and confining myself to the guard room for the rest of my break.

It’s so strange to be feeling this way again, but it’s a welcome relief from constant heart-brokenness. Although that’s not completely over, as every argument and awkward moment with Daniel reminds me. I should probably just cut him off but that feels even worse.

At any rate, it feels good to be crushing on other boys again. It feels freeing. Daniel is losing his grip on me, the same way Ian did, the same way Tim did…

The same way you won’t.

Please be a goofball I’m immediately comfortable around, a joker that tolerates me trying (and apparently failing) to scare you, and know that I love you.