In these crazy, crazy times, I'm really lucky to have so much stability in my life.
I have job security; I've worked hard to be indispensable as a teacher, editor, writer, and even programmer occasionally. I enjoy what I do and my coworkers are lovely (for the most part). I always worried I wouldn't be able to hold a job, and it's nice to know that that fear is mostly unfounded.
I have mental and emotional stability (as much as anyone can). Depression and anxiety come and go, but I've learned to work with them and do what I can. Recently, an "Ian song" came on my Spotify playlist. I waited for the icy seizing up in my chest, but it didn't come. I always worried I would never get over what happened with him, and it's nice to know that that fear wasn't real.
I have relationship stability. I haven't introduced him here; I've felt hesitant and protective of our relationship. He also doesn't make for crazy exciting stories like Jason. But that's a good thing. I don't need a partner that creates adventure in my life. Life is adventurous enough. I'm happy to have someone dependable, smart, and, above all, kind. He's one of the kindest people I've ever met. I always worried I wouldn't find a satisfying long term relationship, and it's nice to know that that's not a relevant fear anymore.
We got a puppy about 6 months ago! We are house shopping together. We're planning an engagement when this pandemic nonsense is finally over. We have a ten-year plan that includes tons of travel and no children.
I guess I'm just saying that things are good. I've waited a long time to feel like this, even just in small moments like now.
Please help me raise our dog, choose our house, and live our lives together, and know that I love you.
